Something for Mom... or maybe for me.

Here is a song I wrote about my Mom last year. It is about what it was like to have a parent die, not completely suddenly, but close enough. The fresh and gory pain had subsided over time, and I found a bit of balance and clarity.  It got to the point where I felt I was being a bit of a chicken-shit if I didn't roll up my sleeves and write a song. I mean... it is kinda what I am supposed to do as a singer/musician/performer. 

I wanted to avoid maudlin homage and glorpy melodrama. Those paths have deep ruts that I find distracting and potentially dishonest. After two years of mourning, I felt as if I were awakening from a terrible dream. I was able to look back at what I had been going through, and look forward to what I will always be going through, because Mom is done with this world. This process has given me persective and strength, so I think I have to admit the song may be about Mom, but it is for me.

I will perform this song with my group for the first time at our spring concert at the end of the month. Could be a tough one. 

These Two Years, by Tim Everett, April 2012

I have taken two years to walk down a path

unimagined by you‘cause it left you behind.

I will tell all your tales with a tear and a laugh

as I watch you advance and retreat in my mind.

Since the the day I stood and watched you die

I am finding better things to do than cry.

So the days staggered on like some punch-drunk prize fighter
reaching for something painless, looking for some good news.
And my life kept on living, left this silent songwriter
forced to face up to his dangerous muse.

With you gone, I’m learning how to stand
In a world where I no longer hold your hand.

People turn to me and say “It’s been two years already.”

But that’s not the way I felt it. I just kept my pacing steady

as I walked a complicated path of memory and tears
that led me to these sudden two full years.

So I’ll take my new years and walk through my days
as I reach into futures to which you are blind.

And I’ll share your bad habits and your contrary ways
taking comfort in how they reside in my mind.

And I’ll try to leave these crying days behind
As I carry you beside me in my mind.