The modern version of a "mixed tape"...

Theoretically, by choice and vocation, I am a musician. I am also a bit nerdy and folky, as my choices below will bear out. I pretend to fight the man (hence my mostly indie choices). Here is some new(ish) music that some of you may not have encountered before (except for the Mumfords, who seem to be everywhere). I found most of it on emusic over the past couple of years, which I recommend for inexpensive indie downloads. It is cheaper than the apple conglomerate and has plenty of oddities.  I have had fun finding video examples of these groups, some live, some from the albums. I like to think of this as the 2011 equivalent of a mixed tape I might have made back in middle school for my friends... only on the computer, with info links and videos.

Stornoway are a few annoyingly talented young men from the UK. I resent the songwriting ability and clear tenor voice of the lead lad. I also regret missing them when they played the Biltmore here last year. I think Fuel Up is a very true song.

Fuel Up

Zorbing

I'm in love with  Little Miss Higgins, but she likely doesn't know I am alive. I wonder if she needs a harmonica player.... A wonderful bluesy Canadian woman who writes songs about the Metis? Too late... I'm already married.

Me and My Gin

Bargain Shop Panties

Pearl and the Beard are a trio from Brooklyn. I first discovered them because of their Will Smith Medley on youtube... but they are so much more than that. The shape of their sound; the sparse depth of their arrangements, their diverse writing, (not to mention the deliciousness of Jocelyn and Emily)... Well, I just love Pearl and the Beard.

Douglas Douglas

Prodigal Daughter

Voice in My Throat

I know almost nothing about  Beast except that they thump and rock in an old and new way. I think they're from Quebec. There is nothing about the Mr Hurricane video that I don't love.

Mr. Hurricane

Out of Control

Okay... Dan Mangan is a local boy who is now pretty famous. He just sold out the Orpheum. He's so local that the video for Sold was shot in my grocery store down Kingsway.  If you have ever tried to write a song, listen to his stuff and feel humbled.

Robots

Sold

I first heard Timbre Timbre on Rue Morgue Radio (wonderful horror culture, for those who love such things).  The eerie minimalism is delightful. Try listening to Demon Host while driving at night on a lonely country road... I dares ya.

Demon Host

We'll Find Out

I know nothing about Karine Polwart. I stumbled across her on emusic. She is so Scottish, so lilting, so accomplished. Wow. Time to find a family tartan. Is there such a thing as "MacEverett"? I couldn't find any great videos online, so just launch the link below and listen, and close your eyes, and smell the heather.

Dowie Dens of Yarrow

Blossom Dearie was a magnificent jazz vocalist and pianist. Those my age might remember her singing some of the Schoolhouse Rock songs. She died a couple of years ago and I finally got a few of her tracks. I love this one because it uses words like "bummier" in the lyrics.

A Fine Spring Morning

I thought I was edgy when I downloaded Mumford & Sons... then I realized that these guys are everywhere. Even mainstream radio (eek!). They are getting a ton of play chez Everett this winter as well.

Winter Winds

The Cave

Bellowhead brings a cast of thousands to it's historically- tinged, folk - jazz assault. I prefer to turn it up and let the prickly, loud, British madness wash over me.

Jordan

Rigs of the Times

Laura Marling probably wins the prize for most annoyingly talented ridiculously young musician on this list. I think she's 20, or something similarly zygotic. I've been told she sounds like Joni Mitchell, which is fine, but I mostly just hear Laura Marling, and suspect that I'll hear a lot more in the future.

The Muse

A Creature I Don't Know

Oh... and don't forget... these guys have made more money this year that all of the above artists on this list will make, combined, in their entire careers. Sorry for the downer.

Making a Start...

Where to begin?

If you follow this space you’ll find it obvious that I have neglected it. The reason is simple. Lately words have failed me. I have been heard to say, half jokingly, that “nothing is constant in life except change”. Over the past year or so, there's been fundamental change in our lives.

Last December my Mom got very sick. She died two months later. She wasn't quite 67.

Blinding, unanticipated shifts and adjustments have taken place. It's dizzying, really. People outside of the nuclear family note how we are all doing the right things to move forward. I agree, but sometimes I still feel like we are all just jumping around like frogs in a frying pan, trying to be hurt as little as possible, and to land in a better place.

The reminders come in waves and ripples. They often prompt other memories, subconscious or otherwise. They can evoke smiles and tears; priceless anecdotes and honest, deep grief. 

Last month I found myself in the preposterous position of having to cross off my Mom's name.

There are pages on file at my son's school for all the family information: addresses, phone numbers, doctors and all that. The handout had come home in the backpack, as it does every September, to be updated. I scanned this page that had been tossed on my desk without really reading it or thinking about it... until my gaze tripped across her name. Aprille Everett: 2^nd Emergency Contact.

So I had to update it. I clicked into “less emotional mode”, picked up a pen and crossed off her name. It wasn't until I had done it and replaced my pen that the reality of what I had done hit me. The ninja grief snuck up behind me, as it occasionally does. It was a tangible metaphor for what had happened when she died; the universe had taken a pen and crossed her off, and out, of our lives. This was just one of many blinding, unanticipated shifts and adjustments. I find they serve as launching pads into free association and related recollections.

Thinking about Mom and my son in a school situation led to memories of her picking him up at kindergarten and taking him back to her place every Wednesday for 10 months so I could work extra hours. It was a wonderful time for them. Mom and Dex formed a powerful relationship that year. She spoiled him once a week and just spent time with him. He was so little then. This serves as a launching pad to my own memories of myself, as a little guy, and Mom after school....

I was terrified of bullies in the first grade. Talented bullies can (and do) smell it on you. There was the wintry day in 1970 when I ran home, teary-eyed, snow dripping down my face from having just received what was called a “face-washing” at the hands of some thuggish, mouth-breathing classmate. Mom hurried me inside, worried, and then angered by my tears. She cleaned me up, dried me off, gave me some love and instant cocoa and then demanded the name of the kid who had roughed me up. Then she settled me in to watch Zoom on TV. I could hear her on the phone in the next room talking to the kid's mother. She tore them a new one. Later the boy apologized to me. Thanks, Mom.

Words have failed me in writing about Mom because the topic is so vast and the feelings so deep. I will try to do it, from time to time, now that I have begun.

The Secret Back Rooms of the Comicshop

It is happening. My shrine to nerdiness and part-time place of employment, (on and off) for roughly twenty years is moving. The Comicshop is a Vancouver institution. We were there first, and according to reader polls in the Georgia Straight, we do it best. My intention here is not to go on and on about the place, nor to tell it's history. Instead I thought I might "pull back the four-colour curtain" for you all. We have been at 4th and Arbutus for over thirty years. Crap accumulates. It is a big, barn-like retail slot with lots of backrooms and hidden nooks. I took these pictures about a month ago, just before all the hubbub began. By now, all this stuff has been "cleaned" out of existence or left behind. Here I will try to share some of the day to day pop-culture oddness and coolness that lurked behind the scenes at the old place. If you click on the pictures you can zoom in pretty close.


The door to the office is framed by an deflated mylar Spider-Man balloon, and two signed t-shirts, one from Todd McFarlane and the other from Sergio Aragones.


There are decades worth of sticky things and hangers affixed to the office door. The motorbike stuff ties in with my boss's last name, which he shares with Norton motorbikes.


Slurpee cups, novelty bubble-bath containers, and miscellaneous brick-a-brack have been sitting on the windowsill for years.


This is part of an old pinball machine that the boss found in an alley at 24th and Main St. back in 1974. He has had it since he opened the first Comicshop that year. It sat on the office windowsill for 31 years. It is now mine. :)


Here is some oddness from the (somewhat home-made) office wall. There is a fantasy pinup by Frank Brunner . I'm not sure who did the Daffy Duck cell, but it has a Tex Avery / Bob Clampett look to it.


Various certificates and a cool plastic Uncle Scrooge, festooned with some god's-eye charm.


I love this patently unsafe-looking Mickey Mouse crib toy. I suspect lead paint, applied in a 1968 Chinese sweat shop. It also has the look of a toy that was designed long before anyone thought of the term "choking hazard".


The coffee counter has a huge poster of Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman. It is a bus shelter transparency from "Batman Returns", which was kinda crappy except for Michelle Pfeiffer. I guess it's been there since 1992.




Over the years; cool old comics have fallen apart and left wonderful, detached covers in their wake. There are several spots behind the scenes where the old things were just tacked up with the staple gun, for colour.


This Holly Hobby wall plaque has been collecting dust on the circuit box for as long and anyone can remember. It reads:
"He doesn't find contentment who seeks the wealth of kings, for the greatest happiness of all is found in little things." Sweet...


Bart has been guarding the receiving door for about twenty years.


The furnace had a dire warning affixed to it. I am proud to say that I never touched.



The other side of the furnace is adorned with groovy 1970's comics industry stickers and an armadillo fridge magnet from San Antonio, Texas.


Old magazines and antique fruit boxes were stuck in a corner.


Old Disney records, a "pose-able" Batman wall hanging, and sexy go-go girl paperbacks clutter up the overstock area.


This isn't in a hidden area, but I include it because it is so cool. I risked my life a decade ago to hang these cut-outs up on the wall. Anyone who can name all the characters gets an authentic Stan Lee no-prize. Note the unique and precious Uncle Scrooge stained glass window. No, it is not for sale. Ever.


This is also not hidden. This hand-made car display, with unlikely characters mix, used to be in the window at the old (long closed) Comicshop branch in Neslon, BC. I first saw it there in 1982, while on a school band trip. It found it's way home and has been on the wall ever since. I will never understand why Batman would let Goofy drive...


Please forgive the quality of this picture. It was a hard one to get. If you stand on the (tippy and spinny) chair and look down from above the fluorescent light fixture above the upstairs till, you will find dusty old airplane models and a Gundam action figure. Perhaps they were left there by ghosts.


A framed Vancouver Province page from 1983, when the boss made the cover.


So long, 2089 W. 4th Ave. The neighbourhood outgrew the Comicshop, so I guess we'll just have to start piling up interesting things at the new location down the street, at 3518 West 4th. Excelsior.

Instead of a Christmas Card

I must admit that I suck at Christmas cards. Twenty or so years ago I actually bought Christmas cards and sent them out. With photos. And a xeroxed “letter” and personal greetings included therein. Yeah, I used to do that. Then I got lazy and stopped. I felt guilty after a few years and finally started sending a blanket Christmas email “news and greetings” bulletin. This was impersonal, but it was an attempt to connect, at any rate. Then I got lazy and stopped. Now we have facebook, and blogspot, and I have been feeling guilty for a few years, so it has come to this. It seems inevitable that at some point I will get lazy and stop. You see the pattern?

At "Holiday Season" 2009 I feel that we three Everetts really are standing on the edge of a decade. Things are shifting in our lives. It all seems so quaint, thinking back to the big 1999 party we had ten years ago, with little toddlers and glowy aspirations for a new millennium. That time has spun past in the blink of an eye and now my sweet and precious little baby boy is a hairy knuckley pre-teen. He would hate me for telling you that if you look closely enough you can still see the precious on him even though he is now taller than his mom.




Dexter is pensive and funny, shy yet firm. He got the music gene, progresses well in piano and has just begun his guitar lessons as well. If you wonder if I love him, I offer the news that we got him an electric guitar for Christmas. This makes me the world's coolest dad, just in case you are wondering. I think I should get some kind of I.D. badge that says so. I am proud of his diligent work and accomplishments, but mostly I am proud of what a nice and honest person he is. He has just taken a break after 5 years of Karate training. He has a few good mates and they amuse me immensely with their goofy ways and fart and boner senses of humour. They still squeal like little girls when they play x-box together, but I expect that testicles will be dropping like late-fall apples around here pretty soon. Next year he will enter High School. This blows me away, and that is as it should be, I expect.



Susan and I find ourselves older (and, I hope, wiser) this year. We both recently turned 45, which I refer to as “halfaninety”. I am kinda digging it. It seems to me that my forties have been some of my most fun and fulfilling years so far. I have pondered the concept of being a late bloomer. I am thinner and fitter than I was through my thirties for sure. My silly fascination with tattoos culminated in my second upper sleeve, this time on the right arm. I love my ink and would like more…. But Sue and I agree that it is her turn. I have enjoyed life as a hands-on parent to a precocious post-toddler. The elementary school years, which have been so wonderful, will end abruptly in a few months, and change will inevitably follow for the three of us. I try not to focus too much on how great my life is for fear of jinxing myself.





I cannot speak for my wife (woe betide!) but I will dare to speak of her. She is the plum in my pudding and the electricity in my hair dryer. I cannot imagine how she puts up with my foibles and ways. She works like a Trojan to put food on the plate and wine in the belly, she mothers the boy with verve, gentleness and grace and manages to remain hot and saucy throughout. Lucky me! We have been married for more than 18 years now which means we have even begun chatting, in a cursory fashion, about some sort of 20th Wedding Anniversary Event. I suspect something with Burlesque Dancers and a Roast Pig would be fun. If a party has pork and dancing girls it can't help but be a success!

Life has found a nice rhythm here for us. We bought the house 13 years ago, had a kid, and stayed. On the surface, it seems like not so much has changed. Susan still works at VCC and I still work at the Comicshop. There are some differences here around the most excellent East-Van Homestead. Moderate landscaping and home improvements have occurred. It seems that we have been gardening for a few years now, and things besides ourselves have taken root. The place looks pretty good, but I notice I need to paint the house... AGAIN. When you are starting to re-do things like that to your house, it tells me that you've been there a while. I have developed a strange desire to raise bees and honey, and I am just crazy enough to try it this year, so if you come to visit and hear buzzing I suggest caution.



Susan and I still sing a cappella. We actually just celebrated that with a concert looking back at our 22 years of singing harmony together. It brought a few things into focus for us. I suspect we are much better musicians now than we were “back in the day” when we were gigging. It might have something to do with removing that pesky profit motive. I have noticed that, for me at least, some of my closest relationships have been forged in singing harmony. Most specifically I mean Doug and Katrina, who have been singing with us now for 12 and 18 years respectively. We laugh and sing together in a way that I deem most spectacular. In our fall concert we were able to pay tribute to past members and even had my sister-in-law (and founding member) Elske sit in for a tune. I am sad that Katrina will be moving up to the Sunshine Coast this spring, but we all resolve to continue our music together. There are plans for new repertoire, recordings and more frequent gigs. And more trips up to Madeira Park, which is an excellent thing and well overdue.




Over the past year we have done some fun things. We have managed to get the entire Everett Clan to cabins in Silver Lake, Washington for our third annual Victoria Day Weekend Wine and Bocce Festival. We must be getting smarter because this year we didn’t need to be “spoken to” by the park ranger. We also initiated the new tradition of fresh-caught frog racing, which I deeply and sincerely hope we can repeat each and every year, even when we are in wheelchairs and have to hire other people’s kids to catch the frogs.

Our sons and father activities soldier on. Unfortunately we were not able to compete in (and win) any cook-offs with the Circle E Chili Team this year. Dad and Pat did manage to join me on the roof of Dexter’s school to give a demonstration on the finer points of chili cookery, which is likely more important. Give a child chili, she eats for a day, teach her to make it, and she farts for the rest of her life.






Our annual Remembrance Day Pub-Crawls with Dad continue much to our delight. I think we’ve done six now, but I can’t be sure because memory is a bit sketchy on it all. We posed by the Steam Clock in Gastown, and we looked happy. I have the picture. I’m surprised they let us into the swanky hotel lounge for Harvey Wallbangers late in the process. Two was the right amount by the way, because they were so damn delicious.

Susan and I have honed a new maneuver called the “Dexie Ditch”. After his last birthday we realized that there was no conceivable reason why he couldn’t stay home and play his x-box while we snuck off to watch a Burlesque show. I think you could call it “Freedom 12”. Since then we have initiated the October Kelowna Weekend of Wine Tasting with the most excellent Erin. Don’t worry… when we ditch Dex for more than a few hours he is supervised.



Susan and Dex and I managed to brave the late July sun and spent some time on the Olympic peninsula and at Mount St. Helens for summer vacation. We got to see Volcanoes and Military submarines and I got to ride my bike in the countryside. There were ‘50’s diner burgers and walks on the beach. It was an extremely satisfying summer vacation.




There have been times when sadness and loss lead to happiness and love. Last September our dear family friend David Hill passed away. He was a mentor to my brothers and me and a close life-long friend to my parents. In the face of this sadness my three brothers and I drove to Calgary and stayed with My Grandma Betty (88 and still going strong!) to attend the service. I like to think that the Brothers Four can put the "fun" in funeral. The fraternal laughter and bonding was priceless, and leavened our grief. I would have felt a bit guilty about it, but I am certain that Dave would not have had it any other way. It all reminded me of that Calgary childhood I had, and the cherished relationships I still carry from those days. My cousins showed up to support us, and we were able, in some small way, to help support Dave’s daughters and widow, who are some of the best folks on earth. Mo, Amanda, Mavis and Nic: you are in our hearts and thoughts.







And so, as the cosmic wheel spins, there is a new baby, as well. My spunky cousin Lindsay just gave birth to a new Nault. She and Matt are the proud parents of little Holly, who joined us early in the morning on Boxing Day, before the sun came up. I had forgotten my deep mystical powers and joked that it was likely that Lindsay’s water would break at the Christmas Dinner table. I was not far off. Lindsay and Matt were able to open some presents, but before dinner and by 6 pm, they were off to have a baby. Sorry about that. Was it Stan Lee who said, “With great power comes great responsibility”?




Life is full, perhaps too much so. There are things we missed because life got in the way, like Nic and Steph’s most excellent P.E.I. Wedding. More and more I see my friends and family being out of reach, physically speaking. Some of you are off in Australia or Britain or even darkest Mission. Another year tips over and I haven’t seen you, or visited where you are, and that is a bit disappointing. But we are connected. These computer things help a lot, and you are in our thoughts. I hope that your lives are great, and that you get everything you want out of life in the coming year. If you are one of those who still resolutely sends us Christmas Cards, I humbly thank you for your generosity. If you used to send us cards, but stopped because I got lazy, that’s okay… I get that. Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Yule, Festivus, Solstice, Hanukkah and any and all other dark days of winter ritual celebrations. Whatever you're up to, we send our best wishes for it. I hope that you’ll accept this facebook bloggy seasonal greeting instead of a Christmas card. I suck at Christmas Cards.

lazy. lazy. lazy.

If you are a regular viewer and notice that scatterdad looks a bit tweaked, thanks for even bothering to come on by after I have neglected this blog for so long. I have spruced it up a bit and intend to post soon. No, really... I mean it... I hope. Also, how the hell did I end up getting over 1100 hits on this thing? Spooky.

It’s my party and I’ll pontificate if I want to.

Today I turned 44, which makes me wise and venerable. Feel free to reap the benefits of my "100 Points to Ponder"...

1. Toasted sandwiches are always better.

2. Skinny may sell magazines but fleshy’ll bring you home.

3. Forty-three was a good year to finally pay attention to how my back feels.

4. We love, need, and use our cars way more than is healthy for us physically, economically and mentally.

5. My bike is cool.

6. The yummier the food is, the more likely it’ll kill you.

7. Good wine is really much better than just so-so wine.

8. Don’t underestimate the shallow self-esteem that comes with a decent set of pipes. It’s worth the effort.

9. Don’t underestimate the true benefits of decent cardiovascular health. It would be better to avoid the heart attack, methinks.

10. Toddlers are messy, tiresome and annoying. Any parent who tells you that it’s their favourite phase is really just lying and counting the days till they can send ‘em off to preschool or kindergarten.

11. Grandparents love toddlers because they have long forgotten the joys of trying to deal with a screaming 2 ½ -year-old with a messy, leaking, poopoo diaper in a public place.

12. Tattoos are sexy, when done well.

13. There really is very little worth watching on television.

14. Television, radio, and print commercials may drive our consumer society, but they are the enemy and should be avoided and subverted at every opportunity.

15. The alley is almost always more interesting than the front street.

16. The French are pretty fricking cool. Ooh la la...

17. Don’t buy the extra “customer protection package” they try to sell you at the cashier. It’s just a money grab.

18. Urban billboards steal my mindspace to fill the wallets of others.

19. Everyone masturbates. Well… everyone except for people who lack limbs or genitals, (or some combination thereof). Think about how shitty that would be.

20. If you don’t exercise you will generally get fat. If you are one of those people that is an exception to this rule: fuck you.

21. Life is too short for bad beer, cheap chocolate, or crappy coffee. We all deserve better.

22. Men love boobies. Even the gay ones started out that way…

23. Even though some vegetarian meals are delicious and nutritious, vegetarians are just plain wrong.

24. Almost any cut of meat can be rendered delicious with the proper preparation.

25. Most people don’t really know how to cook. In a side note: pizza pockets are not food.

26. Sometimes life gives you magnificent things. Sometimes life takes them away. That's life, I guess.

27. Forty-four is a good age for a guy to grow a retro-70’s porn ‘stache.

28. There is really only one proper way to chop an onion.

29. People in their early twenties would be really sexy if they weren’t so young. Maybe we could convince them not to talk?

30. When I was in my early twenties I really had something to say.

31. Otherwise lovely people can be rapidly reduced to asshole status though the use of a cell phone.

32. Otherwise lovely people can be rapidly reduced to asshole status though the use of a car.

33. If someone achieves asshole status through the combined use of a car and a cell phone, they were never lovely. You were mistaken in the first place.

34. Texting has become the great generational divide. Sure, I can do it, but why would I really want to?

35. One of life's most unpleasant and surreal sensations is the grasping of warm dog-poo through a plastic bag, but as a dog owner it is my obligation to endure it, and pray for no ruptures.

36. If you know how to make an omelet you can always have a decent meal.

37. Kids are great. Even toddlers are great so long as they belong to someone else.

38. Just because someone is a senior citizen, that does not make them nice. It also does not make them right.

39. War veterans are worthy of your respect regardless of pretty much anything they might say or do to rub you the wrong way.

40. Alcohol is great, but alcoholism is sad and destructive. I think it’s that way to keep us on our toes.

41. When drugs become the party, instead of something you enjoy at the party, the party sucks.

42. Some drugs are just plain nasty and poisonous and should never be used. Much misery is caused by them.

43. No one should go hungry in such a wealthy society as ours.

44. No one should work a full-time job and not be paid enough to feed and house themselves.

45. Welfare should include free bus passes.

46. The bus service around here should be so much better. It should also be free. Cutting the cost in half would be a good start.

47. Anyone who does not have a Vancouver address should have to pay a $5.00 toll for the privilege of driving their car into the city-limits. There should be a second $5.00 toll to enter the downtown core.

48. No one should be expected to accept being stolen from merely because someone else is in need.

49. No one really knows what someone else is going through. We all see life through our own windows.

50. If you don’t have a spare tire tube with you when you go on a bike trip sooner or later you’re going to need one.

51. Cars used to be cool. Now they are not. I don’t care how many TV ads I see telling me otherwise.

52. I own two cars. One of them is cool. It’s the same age as me.

53. Cigarettes used to be cool. Now they are not. So why do I see people in their early twenties smoking them?

54. Weed is really no big deal. Why the fuss?

55. Often it’s easier just to walk.

56. The brewing of beer is a noble pastime.

57. Gay people are people, too. Actually, they are some of the best people I know.

58. George Lucas really should just stop it.

59. You grow roots when you’re not looking.

60. Pornography is okay, really, so long as no one gets hurt.

61. Nerd may be the new cool, but the more nerds there are, the less cool we are. As an a cappella-singing comic book guy, I think I’ll be in the safe zone for a long time (likely until nerds are no longer cool).

62. No, really… How could anyone sit through the Phantom Menace and then say it was a good movie? I mean, unless they were either toddlers, or in their early twenties, or on drugs.

63. A few generations ago people used to sing together in their living rooms. The world was a better place back then.

64. Everyone enjoys a good fondle.

65. Never mind Citizen Kane. Faster Pussycat Kill Kill may be the world’s most perfect movie.

66. You might think that having dogs is a lot like having children until you’ve had both and know the difference.

67. One should not dress a dog.

68. Bernaise sauce is wonderful, especially when drizzled over bloody, rare beef. I’d like to kiss whoever invented it.

69. I’d like to kiss a lot of people, actually.

70. Nigella Lawson is “on the list”.

71. Yellow beer isn’t necessarily good beer. As a matter of fact, it often isn’t.

72. Those who ride their bikes without a helmet should be referred to as organ donors.

73. Extreme sports are stupid. Isn’t real life extreme enough without trying to find new, recreational ways to finance the funeral industry prematurely?

74. Three words: Bungie jumping? Why?!

75. Everyone should remember to register as an organ donor.

76. Sure. Clowns are scary. That’s why they are cool.

77. It’s staggering how the love of a good woman can save a guy’s life.

78. It’s a hassle to change your windshield wipers, but totally worth doing. If you pay someone to do it, you have to admit that you totally suck.

79. Very tall women are fascinating. It appears that amazons do walk among us.

80. Women are certainly smarter than men, but relative stupidity is underrated.

81. Only your grandma is allowed to overcook the roast beef and vegetables. Everyone else must be politely taught how to do it properly or encouraged to refrain from cooking for others.

82. You can’t live in Vancouver without coming to terms with the rain.

83. If you are one of those folks who only eats beef well-done, I’m afraid I can’t help you. If you visit my place for dinner I will be seating you at the kid’s table. Even then, the meat you get will be a little bit pink. Sorry.

84. On a bad day Vancouver is a culturally-bereft excuse for over-priced real estate between the mountains and the ocean. Even the bad days here are better than the best days in so many other places.

85. Re. skinny women vs. real women: If there ain’t no heft there’s nothing left.

86. Singing harmonies is a lifelong joy. There is something truly magical about nice, round, tuned-up tones or a nasty crunchy cluster.

87. I wish people still sang doo-wop.

88. It was a better world when men wore hats, but now that guys are wearing hats again I may need to re-think this. A 13-year-old with a Metrotown fedora isn’t cutting it for me, really. Would Bogey have approved?

89. As I get older I find myself slowly becoming more and more conservative. At this rate, I’ll still need to live to be 100 before I could support Stephen Harper.

90. Ouija boards freak me out because they absolutely do something.

91. I don’t believe in the Sasquatch or space aliens, but I used to and I wish that I still did.

92. Being a father is extremely fulfilling.

93. Chocolate is great because, not only is it delicious, most people will like you if you share it with them. Powerful chocolaty mojo, that.

94. When you make the right match it is a pretty good idea not to screw it up.

95. I've heard about "abs" and I’m pretty sure that I have some, but I’m also pretty sure that they are never gonna be seen though the fatty layer.

96. Men have nipples, too, you know.

97. Stage magic and ventriloquism are two extremely cool, dying, performance disciplines.

98. It’s not a good idea to confuse loud assertions with intelligent wisdom. Those who speak forcefully and in large amounts are often wrong.

99. I seem to speak forcefully and in large amounts from time to time. Oh, snap…

100. If a man can turn 44 and have friends and family read this far into a long list of personal yammerings, he is truly blessed. Perhaps entering your mid-forties is not so bad.

A (mostly) non-partisan take on the Federal Election…

Federal politics annoy me. It is very seldom that I see an outcome I had hoped for. On the other hand, I am also aware of the adage: “Be careful of what you hope for”.

So…. I just have to ask:

Why are people actually supporting Steven Harper? I mean, I know that we all have our own partisan views and ideologies. At least we do if we stop to think about it. I’m going to try something here which may be impossible. I will attempt to look at this prickly thing while leaving out partisan, left vs. right rants whenever possible. I’ll be talking about character and integrity, not issues.

I’ll start by telling you why I will not support Steven Harper and why I hope that he is denied a majority government.

1) He’s a thief. No… wait… hear me out. This is the man who lured David Emerson (my MP until recently) to cross the floor, for a cherry cabinet post. And this just hours after election. It was deeply in his political interests to do so. There has been a chorus from Conservative supporters about how this was perfectly legal and is done all the time. That may be true, but it is still immoral. To ignore the wishes of the electorate and actively circumvent them is wrong. The Conservatives placed a distant third in Vancouver Kingsway and would never have won the seat. The people of my riding worked hard to deny Steven Harper representation from this constituency. So he stole it. He ignored the wishes of the voters and used our riding to bolster his fledgling minority government. Shame on him and shame on David Emerson for stealing our democracy.

2) He’s a liar. Again… wait. Harper brought in legislation for fixed date elections. I support this legislation because I feel that our democracy is manipulated and tampered with constantly, usually to the benefit of the incumbent governments, or the groups with the most money. So I thought, “Good on ya, Steve. I may not like you but I can support you on this one.” I should not have been surprised when he called an early election the moment he saw polls that suggested he could form a majority. He excused his dishonesty with some bafflegab about having an “unworkable parliament”. Come ON, people! Wake up and smell the bullshit. I guess it’s okay to have fixed date elections along as the PM can call an earlier one if it might offer him a political advantage. Liar, liar, pants of fire. Oh. And he also lied about the income trust thing.

3) He is a muzzler. I worry when the highest elected official in the country sees fit to fire his best scientific minds when they have views that may be inconvenient or inconsistent with party lines. He did this when CNSC President Linda Keen proved to be a thorn in his side. It looks to me like she was doing her job perfectly well, so why was she dumped? I am also alarmed at the number of Conservative candidates being kept out of the public eye. I think there are some pretty compelling questions that Donna Cadman (from Surrey North) should answer to the Canadian public. Too bad Steven Harper thinks it would be best if she just kept quiet. The same is true of the Conservative who is running here in Vancouver Kingsway (Salomon Rayek). He won’t be bothered to appear at the all-candidates-meeting next week. I’ll assume that’s because the war-room sees that as an opportunity to lessen his votes in an unwinnable riding.

And actually… this war-room stuff is where I’m going with all this. All the major parties have them. They use science, history, polling and manipulation as best they can to “win a war”. It seems like content, integrity, honesty and issues have all taken a back seat to winning an election these days. I, personally, have become completely cynical about politicians. There is not a single party that I feel I cold support wholeheartedly. But there is one guy who I know I don’t want running our country and he is Steven Harper.

That’s why I was so pleased to discover http://www.voteforenvironment.ca/. Although it is based on the notion that all environmentalists would want to band together to deny the Conservatives a majority, it should appeal to anyone who hopes to see that smirk get wiped off Steven Harper’s face. Their approach on how to avoid vote splitting is sound and revolutionary, in my opinion. It’s like the voters of Canada have their very own war-room! Check out your riding to find out if it’s one that is actually “in play” because most of the outcomes are pre-ordained. If voters choose to vote strategically to manipulate an electoral system in which they themselves are being manipulated, they can get back a shred of democracy. As I said before… I’m a cynic. This is a breath of fresh air to me. I encourage you to pass the link along to friends and family in different regions of Canada. If nothing else, it’s fun to see what the site says about your riding.

I knew a kid like Steven Harper back when I was in middle school. He was the guy who stole someone’s lunch money, lied about it when he got caught, and used influence and pressure to make sure his friends (and rivals) kept their mouths shut. After the dust settled, he’d be punished with detention.

Nowadays, if we’re not careful, guys like Steven Harper don’t get sent to detention. They get the keys to our country.